Forgotten, Not Forgiven

“How can anyone have faith in anything when everything close to perfection will one day crumble into dust?”

– Emon, upon hearing the news about Chase and Ray


The Coffee Club knew that Chase and Ray would one day end up as a couple.

And so they did, one summer evening. Ray and Chase were taking summer classes, remedials for failures and advanced ones for next semester, helping each other out as they always did. Finding themselves alone after everyone else had gone, they found themselves questioning the level of their friendship. It soon dawned upon them that they had gone beyond being inseparable best friends; they felt something more than just friendship for each other.

When they broke the news to their friends, it was James who had accurately expressed what everyone else felt: “Damn, guys, it’s about time. You know, we always wondered why it was taking you so long.” The group of friends had a long laugh at this, and they wished Chase and Ray well. They all took it for granted that what Chase and Ray had was something everyone else was looking for.

The years passed, and the Coffee Club watched with pleasure as the bond between the ideal couple (as they had begun to describe Chase and Ray) grow ever stronger. The joke was that it was teamwork that got the couple through thesis year – Ray’s lab work playing off well against Chase’s clear and concise reports. The Coffee Club began to tease them about settling down; Benny once joked, “Pare, di ba alam mo naman yung five-year rule sa Family Code? O, two years na lang, file na lang kayo ng certificate!” To which Ray replied, as he did to all those jokes, “ ‘Tol, timing lang. We’ll get there eventually.”

The Coffee Club had no doubt that they would.


It was a hard time for graduates of provincial schools of the Philippines, at the close of the 20th century. Jobs were scarce, opportunities were at best fleeting, and competition was, to the minds of the Coffee Club, savage, and Ray was desperate to find a job so that he and Chase could finally start building a future together. The only window available to him was a three-year stint in Taiwan, something Chase agreed to with quiet resignation.

“Don’t worry,” Kaye had said, “saglit lang yung three years. May e-mail naman, may text naman, tatawag pag may pera konti, right?” Chase had agreed; why not? After all, they were talking about what she and Ray had together. They had a strong bond. They were going to get through it with some difficulty, but nothing that they couldn’t do together. Because of that faith, and, in her mind, to strengthen their bond, she gave herself freely to Ray. The tears she had bidding Ray good-bye at the airport were not of despair, but of longing and hoping.

The e-mails lasted, as did the texts and the phone calls. Knowing that Chase and Ray kept on chiding each other about overspending but did nothing to cut down, Allen advised, “Sis, isipin n’yo kaya na kung ano ang ‘di n’yo ginagastos, savings din ‘yun? ‘Di ba may balak na kayo magpasakal – eheh, magpakasal, pagbalik niya? Heh-heh.”

A year later after Ray left, the world collapsed around Chase.


“Hello?”

“Ray! God, sweet, I missed you! Kumusta? ‘Di ba sa Sabado ‘yung tawag natin? Okay ka lang? Kumusta? Miss na kita – miss mo ba ako?”

“Chase, we have to break up.”

Silence. “Ano?”

“Mahirap para sa ‘kin ‘to, Chase. But it’s over for us now.”

“Bakit? I don’t understand! What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry, Chase.”

“Why? What did I do? What happened?”

“I’ve met someone, and I think she’s the right one for me. I can’t – we can’t go on like this, Chase…”

“Why? Who is she? Why are you leaving me for her?”

“I – I love her, Chase. And – and she’s pregnant. We’re getting married when we go home for leave.”

“Ray, please don’t do this to me, please…”

“I’m sorry, Chase. Good-bye.”

Click.


Laren was the first to find out.

Listening to Chase’s incoherent sobs and pointless phrases, he sensed that something was amiss. Calling Anne, a colleague of Chase at the language school, he found out that Chase had skipped work for three straight days and wasn’t answering any calls or texts. Laren immediately texted Emon and Kaye, and both promised to visit Chase right then.

Any later and things would have turned out fatal for Chase.

Kaye found Chase in the process of slitting her wrists, and screamed for help. Emon, who was not far behind, burst through the door and understanding quickly, his large arms wrapped his two friends in a tight embrace. Chase broke down weeping and told them everything, prompting both Kaye and Emon to decide to spend the night at their house, after which they’d leave her with the watchful care of her protective parents and wrathful brother. Laren promised to call Chase every night, just to check up on their friend.

The Coffee Club maintained a discreet vigil over Chase, making sure that she was never alone anywhere. They all knew that they had no idea of how powerful the blow was, only that it was severe enough for them to be worried sick. They made sure that their actions were geared to one thing – that things finally become normal, at the very least, if not ever better.

Months passed. It was not an easy time for Chase, but somehow she pulled through. One day, she found herself reading through Ray’s love letters from years ago; oddly, or perhaps happily, she felt nothing. Kaye helped her clean out her room of all that Ray once had or had given to her; when Emon found them later having ice tea in the living room swapping jokes and stories, his grin nearly split his face in two.


“And that’s the story,” Laren told Allen, Rod, Emon, Kaye, Ali, and James, at Katips one rainy night in July. The Coffee Club was having drinks while waiting for Chase to arrive, and thus all leave together for a party Eric was hosting. Emon nodded.

“That’s about it, yeah.”

“And Ray?” Ali asked. Kaye shrugged. “Who cares? It’s not as if the whole thing is worth remembering. I mean, ‘di ba, he took something special and perfect, and turned it into nothing. He should be forgotten.”

“But he’s one of us, remember? He’s a TOSStado too,” Ali argued. Emon nodded.

“Exactly. That’s why he’ll be forgotten, but not forgiven.”